Going through infertility isn’t easy. It is a very emotional process. You would think it ends after you have a successful pregnancy, but the mixed emotions are still there. For me, the thought of having a sweet, little baby was always with me. I did whatever I could to conceive. I wanted to be the healthiest I could be so I had healthy eggs for IVF. Through medication and prayer we ended up with several embryos. Did we truly think about what we would do with our remaining embryos? I can’t say we honestly understood at the time what having remaining embryos would mean emotionally, religiously and financially. We know that like many couples, we had a longing to have our baby or babies.
I realize this is the risk you take when you use this method of getting pregnant. I am thankful that through God, we have this option. Some may argue, well…God obviously didn’t want you to have a child…why use technology? I have a different viewpoint though. God granted us children through this technology. We can argue back and forth on this issue, but I’m not here to argue. I’m hear sharing what’s in my heart.
To me, my frozen embryos are my babies. I can’t just discard them. I’ve loved them before they even existed. Bringing children into the world and raising them is hard work. I wish there was a way to have all my frozen embryos, but I don’t know the quality of life that I would be able to provide for them as well as the children that I already brought into this world. I know I placed myself in this situation, but with this technology I have my two beautiful children and I am forever thankful.
To my embryos…I love you and care for you. I don’t know your future, but I know that I cannot just discard of you. You are special and will always be a part of me. I will always think of the possibility of you and love you forever.
Your very confused mama
*I share this post for myself, but also to all the parents who are in the same situation. I know how hard it can be.