Have you ever just felt so exhausted that you were paralyzed? Yes, I know…it’s called parenting.  Sometimes I forget what it’s like to just sit on the couch and watch tv eating chips and guac.  Oh how I miss those Lifetime movies. Yes I love my children…probably too much if that’s a thing.  I feel guilty saying I miss Lifetime movies when I have two little gems. Crazy…I know. I should just get over it and live a little. Chips here I come! We will see how it goes.

How about when you pull up to your driveway and sit because undoing your seatbelt and walking in your house takes too much energy? I know that this exhaustion happens to people without children as well, but having to unbuckle and carry two little people in somehow makes it just soooo beyond exhausting. I know someone reading this may be like, why are you complaining? I’m not…I’m just saying. Then to have to make dinner or do laundry…I’m done! That is life though. I know people have it much worse.

It’s taken me over 3 days to write this post. If my posts are all over the place, I apologize. I’m not going to pretend I have it all together. My two little ones were napping and now one is up and the other one is going to get up. I’m still exhausted. I took a quick ten minute “nap” while I was holding my 8 month old. I kept telling myself to get up so I can do things around my house.  One day I’ll clean my house…one day!

I feel I should just end here because I could just ramble about being so unenergetic!


Fussy Baby Compassion

I tried to do everything right, especially since I waited for this baby for what seemed to be forever. My sweet baby came and was a fussy, little guy. I still call him sweet because he is my baby and even though his temperament was not easy, he was and still is my little man.

I wanted to let other parents out there know that I understand what it is like to have a fussy baby. I remember always having anxiety when we would go out if I ever risked doing that because I never knew when he would have a “break down.”  When that break down came, my heart would race and I would get into survival mode.  There was no gradual crying. It went straight to loud, screaming crying.  The stress this caused my partner and I was intense.  We eventually got through it with a strict schedule and then we were more flexible as he got older.

The whole point is…if you are going through this you are not alone. It can be very stressful and can really bring you down. It did for me and then gradually got better. We tried a lot of different things. As mentioned, we really worked on a consistent schedule, we used different swaddles and sleep sacks, white noise, darkening his room, a bedtime routine, etc.  Did all these things fix his fussiness and sleep associations? No, but they helped. We eventually sleep coached. I know that some people don’t believe in this, but we did what we had to do.  That’s all we could do. We had to try…for our baby boy.

It would have helped if we had support from family and others, but we didn’t. That made it harder. We would get comments about his early bedtime and about how “serious” our baby was during that time.  As first time parents, you don’t want or need to hear that.  You are trying your best.  Now, I can’t speak for my husband, but I feel more confident and stronger about my decisions. I did whatever I could to help my baby sleep. This included car rides on a daily basis. I know…I know…you shouldn’t get your baby used to this, but guess what…if baby don’t nap, baby don’t sleep at night and baby wake up very early in the morning. Not healthy for baby and not healthy for mommy or daddy, so eventually you work on these sleep associations.

So basically, if you have a fussy baby or even toddler…try different things and see what works and know that you are not alone.  Am I an expert? No, but I’m just sharing my experience. You do what you need to do.  Have some compassion for yourself.  I wish I did. I’m still working on it.



Parenting classes

My husband and I couldn’t wait to sign up for parenting classes.  I couldn’t believe it! After all this time of dreaming for a baby, we were finally going to classes for our baby.  The anticipation of him was so exciting. I couldn’t wait to learn about what labor and birth were going to be like  or how to take care of this little angel. I took so many notes.  I wanted to be great at parenting right from the start. After all, I’ve waited a while for this and I was not going to mess it up. My baby was going to be the best baby.  My baby was going to smile and sleep well. My baby and I were going to connect in a deep level as I breastfed.  My husband and I were going to be so happy. Happy times were our way.  Uh…yea…that’s exactly the way it happened. Not!

I want to say that I have never taken my children for granted, but those parenting classes do not prepare you for the REAL deal and I know that nothing prepares you more than experience, but what about telling parents how very hard it will be? What about it taking you an hour to get your baby to sleep and then your baby maybe sleeps an hour if you are lucky, and then your baby feeds for an hour and then it takes you an hour to get your baby to sleep. Your nipples are cracked and your baby is sucking your blood. No, it was not my latch (that’s a different blog!) Or how about your baby screaming like crazy and you constantly walking and bouncing him around?! Or how about you being afraid to go out in public because you are not sure when he is going to have a break down or how about you driving around for naps and sitting in your car for your baby to fall asleep so you can sit in peace for a little until he wakes up from a sleep cycle and then you start driving again to get him to go back to sleep?!

But wait…I learned how to change a diaper in my parenting class. Okay, that is not fair…I learned much more, but my point is that I would have preferred some more honestly about the newborn/infant stage. Perhaps your baby was not like this or the teachers teaching the class had “easy” babies. All I know is life got crazy and extra stressful during this time.

Of course I love my babies, but wow…it was a crazy ride!